If I were...

I got this idea while reading my new favorite blog, Moon to Moon. I thought it would be fun and make me think.

· If I were a month, I’d be October

· If I were a day of the week, I’d be Saturday

· If I were a time of day, I’d be Sunset

· If I were a planet, I’d be Neptune

· If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Manta Ray

· If I were a direction, I’d be West

· If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Squishy, deep couch

· If I were a historical figure, I’d be Mary Blair (is she historical? I’m saying yes.)

· If I were a liquid, I’d be Wassail

· If I were a gemstone, I’d be Turquoise

· If I were a tree, I’d be Lilac tree

· If I were a tool, I’d be a Paint Brush

· If I were a flower, I’d be Bouganvilla

· If I were a kind of weather, I’d be Summer Rain

· If I were a musical instrument, I’d be an Cello

· If I were a color, I’d be Seafoam green

· If I were an emotion, I’d be Ecstatic

· If I were a fruit, I’d be a Raspberry

· If I were a sound, I’d be The song of a chickadee bird

· If I were an element, I’d be water

· If I were a car, I’d be a Green VW Bus

· If I were a food, I’d be Chips and Dip

· If I were a place, I’d be The Mountains

· If I were a material, I’d be Wood

· If I were a taste, I’d be Spicy

· If I were a scent, I’d be Honeysuckle

· If I were an object, I’d be a Lantern

· If I were a body part, I’d be the Eyes

· If I were a facial expression, I’d be an Involuntary Scowl

· If I were a song, I’d be Welcome Home by Radical Face

· If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be moccasins

On Letting Go...

A couple of weeks ago Cody and I sat in our back yard at night and just listened to the crickets and talked. It was lovely. The lights from our apricot tree swung back and forth in the breeze and we watched the full moon come up over the house. I tried, as always, to hang on to the moment as hard as I could. It was just perfect. One of those Kairos moments, I suppose.

These are some night shots with a long exposure from that night. Dreamy.

I have been attempting to learn to not try too hard to hold onto those perfect moments. To just accept that I can't take a perfect mental image of it and keep it forever. I have tried and tried but those moments that I tell myself to keep inside and "Remember the way this looked and feels. Remember it. Don't let it go. Keep it in your memory forever." Those moments just aren't the ones that I end up remembering. It always ends up being something else, something random, or insignificant, or even something more perfect than what I wanted to keep inside. I can’t control it.

But those memories of images and feelings take over. I admit it, I am one to live in the past. I dwell on beautiful memories. I miss them. I think about them and try to savor those residual feelings. Like the amazing show Cody and I went to. We stood in the sea of people who all knew my favorite song. And we all sang it together with the band we all loved so much. That night was incredible. I left feeling something that remained for weeks. I would think of the show, and just feel a little of that wonderful and indescribable emotion. And then one day I realized that I could no longer remember that feeling anymore. That feeling that was once so strong has now faded away with time and I can no longer recall it. This kills me! Instead of being grateful that I even had that experience at all, I am hurt by the fact that it fades.

I wish I could collect those moments and revisit them again and again. The worst ones are those beautiful moments from back in the teenage days. The summer nights I spent with my best friends. Riding in the passenger seat at night with the windows open, my hand sailing through the desert air on the way to a bonfire. The first time Cody kissed me, in the school hall before class. Driving home after a night with friends, favorite song playing on my tape deck, when the smell of the summer fires from the lightning storms that year was in the air. Very important memories. Feelings of freedom, youth, summer heat, crazy, teenage love. Glimpses of gorgeous moments that are so, so important to me. I kept them so close to me. I thought I could actually hold onto them forever and never lose that ability to recall those precious emotions whenever I smelled a desert fire, or heard a song, or a flash of that first kiss would surface in my mind. And then time happened and I found out I was wrong. I can’t collect moments. I can't hold onto them. Because these pieces of time are that significant, that vital to me, this was a heartbreaking realization and a nasty truth of growing up.

So I take pictures. This is the best thing I have and I am thankful that I at least have that. A little way of peeking back at a moment in time, even if your memory can't recollect it.

Even this is sometimes a problem. In those precious Kairos moments I will find myself setting up shots. I will start thinking "If only I could capture the way the light looks coming through the tree, if only I could take a photo of the way the breeze is blowing that branch.” Which then takes me out of the moment, which essentially causes the experience that I was just blessed with to die a needless, wasteful death. For the most part though, I am always thankful that I took those pictures. I just need to learn to not let my obsessive need to get everything in that photograph take over.

I don’t know why I am this way and it’s probably not something everyone does. I know I’m supposed to live for the moment. This is my curse. Regardless of how futile it is, I find myself grasping those moments, and probably will until my fists turn cold and blue and I can finally watch the tapes of life with Jesus.

But for now, I really am trying. I will tell myself to let go. Enjoy it. There’s nothing I can do, so no matter how much it goes against my neurotic instincts, just enjoy it. And as Lester Burnam sums up so well in American Beauty – “Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.”

Toilet Paper Holders

After seeing this idea on Pinterest, I decided to make some of my own. I love them, they turned out great.

Phase 2

As part of my "more Gina-like hair plan", I have now entered phase 2 of this process:


More pink, and more intense color.

I actually like the lighter pink color more, but it ended up fading too quickly, so I started out with more intense color this time by leaving it in longer and not mixing it with conditioner. This round it doesn't seem to be fading at all though. (I have been using Splat hair dye in Pink Fetish). It works really well and produces very hot pink results.



I recently got my new 50mm lens (AND I LOVE IT).


Cody helped me test it out. This is what happens when I tell Cody to open his eyes more:

This is what happens when a man loves his chihuahua:

(awwwwwww!) You can't see it but Lulu is wagging her tail in excitement at this moment.

This is what happens when Cody is being unsupervised and gets a hold of the camera:


Thanks babe!

Around the house in May...

My house went from winter to summer pretty fast. I mean, the little houses in my front room still had snow on the roofs until 2 weeks ago. I just don't have as much motivation to decorate for summer. Fall and winter seasons are easy. Summer? Not so much. But I try.

Little garden inspired items adorn the shelves.

And the chalk board deer grew leaves on his antlers.

My Birthday is this weekend. I believe Cody and I are going camping to celebrate. This is the last week I will ever be 23. This always makes me sad. But age is just a number, right? I know 24 isn't old. 23 just sounds cuter than 24. That's all.

Lots going on this time of year. Birthday, then some lovely family is coming to visit (so excited!), and then our anniversary. I'm really struggling with what to get the husband for our anniversary. I have been doing the traditional gift list theme for the past 3 years. It has really challenged me to be creative and try to get something that will last for a long time. But this year the gift is supposed to be made of silk/linen and I am stumped. Any ideas?