Demons of the Lawn

I have a yard from Hades.

It is so much work to keep it up, and my work is never ever ever done. I am not a fan of outdoor physical labor as I usually get physically ill after only an hour of it. My yard is so beautiful but I'm finding it hard to enjoy because everywhere I look I see millions of weeds, or some kind of pest problem, an overgrown lawn, apricots that need to be picked, hedges that need to be trimmed, bushes and bushes of roses that need clipping, trees that need pruning.

Oh, and did I mention the weeds? I pulled a couple the other day that were about a foot taller than I am. I spend hours and hours picking weeds, and a week later, they are back. They take over everything. I love this yard but I sure am overwhelmed by it. It's taking over my life!
Anyway, now there's yet another issue. There are holes and mounds of dirt in the lawn and gardens, a new one every week or more. We thought it was a gopher or something, but then, as I was clipping roses, I saw something furry in the lawn... It looked like a weird rat thing. Turns out it was a mole.

Mr. Mole. It looked like he lost his ear somehow. Poor dude.

Eating some grass while awaiting his sentencing.

We let our animals sniff at it to see what would happen. It bared its nasty long yellow 2 front teeth and threatened to take Olive down. It was pretty ugly. We caught it in a planter pot and decided we only had one choice. We had to poison it. We put the rodent poison in there and 5 hours later I began to have regrets. After all, they only eat gross bugs and worms, perhaps he was only trying to help our over populated yard. Awww. Poor little moley. But alas, it was too late. Little moley was dying.
We thought our holey lawn problem was solved, however, this mole must have had a family who is now seeking revenge by creating a massive underground tunnel system. Now I walk on my lawn and in places, I think I am going to fall through. It's kind of... spongey.
Anyway, operation poison-the-holes is under way. Those yellow tooth-ed demons are going down!