Friday, May 31, 2013

My thoughts at 39 weeks

Me, this morning, at 39 weeks pregnant.

I can't believe it. It is the last day of May 2013. In my brain, it's still about February and I still have months to go before I have to worry about pushing a little human out of my body and becoming a mother to him. In reality, next week is my due date and things are moving at light speed.

This is one of my last weeks where I am just me, a 25 year old girl who still feels to be about 18 and certainly does not act like an adult. I'm aware that I am actually a pretty helpless person. I have a lot of learning and growing to do. Honestly, I can barely even make mac and cheese by myself. Yes, things are certainly about to change, whether I am ready or not. I will be completely responsible for another life. A little soul that God has trusted us with. A little person that I know I will obsess over and worry about every day for the rest of my life. Our world is about to make a major shift. A shift that I am most definitely excited about, but there's so much unknown. I really don't know much about babies. All I have to go off of is just what I have been told. A lot of which sounds terrifying. "But so worth it." Right? That is the summary of what people say. It is SO HARD but so worth it. The so hard part is frightening. The so worth it part is why we got ourselves into this situation.

Someone told Cody that babies seem really fragile, but are actually easier to keep alive than fish. I sure hope so, because I have gone through a lot of pet fish in my lifetime. I know I will be ok. I know he will be ok. We will get through the tough parts. I'm pretty sure of this. I am known for my exceptional ability to worry like none other, so that is just how it is going to be. But I will try my best to relax and breath and be a chill mom as much as I can be. That is one of my goals, anyway.

So here is where I am right now, at 39 weeks pregnant: I am standing at the edge of the diving board, looking into a deep pool. I can't see the bottom. I can't turn around and climb down. The only way off is to jump. What will I find? From what I hear, probably a lot of poop. Literal poop. Exploding poop. And throw up. And crying, screaming babies. And sore boobies. And many, many sleepless nights and days filled with fatigue, and maybe even counting down the seconds until Cody gets home from work. This is the kind of thing you always hear about at this pool.

But I am going to jump. And through the poop, I am going to find soft baby cheeks, and tiny saggy baby bums, and chubby leg rolls, and little adorable lips that I will kiss so much. And giggles and cuddles and so many hugs and loves.

And it will be awesome

And then, I will make sure that my baby grows up to not be so helpless, and by golly, he will know how to make mac n cheese!

1 comment:


Gina, as silly but serious as this post is being a mom is completely the best thing in the world. I pretty much raised my little sister so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, as far as responsibility goes. But the love is completely unexplainable. Mya is going through a phase of being the biggest challenge she can be at the moment and I'm going through a phase where I just want to run away from it. I'm sick of dealing with a toddler; the tantrums, poop messes, potty training, fighting to get out the door, wrestling with her to get her diaper changed or to sit in the carseat, fighting to get her to eat, and everything else negative that comes with it, and on top of it all I really am NOT ready for another baby. I thought I would be by the time that I got pregnant, I wasn't, then I thought maybe when I know what it was, I was disappointed; I wanted another girl but didn't know it until they said it was a boy; I had to fight back the tears then and every time someone asked me what I was having. I again thought I would be excited when I started to feel him move; I'm still not. I feel like a horrible mom for admitting all of this but reading your post really brought comfort to me that no matter what comes at us as moms it really truly is all worth it 110%. And when Mya says "love you momma" it makes it worth cleaning up poop off the walls and the rug in the hallway.